Well this weekend is Mothers Day, and I have been thinking of all the millions of mom’s out there and thinking how HARD being a mom really is. I have never had any job or schooling or anything in my life that is as all-consuming as being a full time momma.
Right now I have a 3 year old, 1 1/2 year old, and a new one on the way. I have no nearby family, no babysitters, and a husband who works long hours. I have been through the mentally and physically exhausting phases, when you get very little sleep, no personal time, and of course those moments when both children are crying, sick, the house is a mess, and no dinner is made -all at the same time.- Then of course there is all the housework and cooking to keep up with…. oh yeah, and I cant forget the things like potty training, tantrums, and teething.
Sound familiar to anyone?
But you know what……even with all that hair-pulling out craziness I mentioned above (and the numerous time I have wanted to hide in a closet :)…..boy, do I just love it all!
I just feel so blessed everyday that my home is filled with the happy squeals and even the dramatic crying of a 2 year old. I feel so blessed when I get to hold my snugly little baby close on a beautiful spring night........ and even in those exhausting middle of the night feedings. Things like spit-up, messes, sleepy parents, and cheerios everywhere just means your home is full of life!
Ya know those little white haired ladies who come up to you in the grocery stores, shaking their finger at you, telling you that you better be cherishing these days while your kids are small. They can be a bit annoying at times, right?……. But no matter how irritating this can be, they are 100% right. I think with age, they see more clearly than we do.
A child is a gift. A miraculous gift. Many people have lost a child, others are unable to have children and yearn so deeply for them.
Well, I happen to be one of those people who have lost a child. Our first son passed away very unexpectedly right before birth due to the umbilical cord becoming tangled (a very very rare accident). Of course it was the most painful, lonely time of my life. I truly did not know how I would even be able to breath somedays. We then had a year of trying to get pregnant and two different urologist’s telling us we were borderline infertile and may never have children.
I remember so many nights crying myself to sleep, clinging to my son’s memory box. I remember those day’s walking through Target desperately wanting to go up to the women I saw with babies, telling them how lucky they are, and that I would give anything to be in their shoes. The thought of having a crying, fussing baby in Target sounded like HEAVEN to me!
Well, lets just say that through that torturous year, so much goodness prevailed. (no more sad stuff, I promise:)
First of all, we were given a miracle. We went in for a 3rd round of testing, and all of a sudden, we were completely normal. Medically speaking you cannot go from borderline infertile to very fertile. We then found out the most joyous news – we were pregnant!! That long, hard, brutally painful year was coming to an end and our dreams were finally coming true.
After a very physically easy, but emotionally scary pregnancy, my darling boy was placed in my arms. I cannot even describe to you the joy I felt. We then got pregnant soon after with our little #3 , and now we are currently pregnant with our #4, and hopefully there will be many more to come!
Today, we only feel joy and pride when we think about our little son in Heaven. There are no more tears. Ultimately, as a mother, the thing I want most is for my children be able to spend eternity in the splendor of Heaven. And I have been blessed with the certainty that our son is there, being raised in the arms of Mary. As I watch my other boys grow, I do not have that same certainty. I can only hope, pray, and do my best as a mother to instill them with a love for God and hope they will follow that path as they grow.
I would never wish losing a child on anyone, and I pray everyday that we will not have to endure the pain of a loss again. But where I stand now, I am so thankful to God for having us in his plans...... we are honored. He did not make this happen, but rather he used "this storm" for good, and gave us so many graces and blessings. I would not be the person I am today if I had not endured the pain of losing, and yearning for a child. I truly feel like a giddy kid everyday that I wake up and know I get to spend the day with my boys, my beloved children. Like I said above, through the loss I have now been given a new set of eyes, like the eyes of those old lady's in the grocery stores. I have learned to appreciate what we have been given to the full extent, which has been a priceless gift from God and my little angel.
I guess all I am trying to say is that being a mom is INCREDIBLY hard, but every second we get to spend with our children, (whether its peaceful and fun, or noisy and frustrating) is priceless, for you never know what tomorrow will bring. So next time the house is a mess, the dog is barking, the baby is crying, and the kids are running around like wild children....... look around and see just how blessed you really are.
So anyway, happy mothers day to everyone!!!! You are all tough, hard-working, and BLESSED women!